Remove the Graveclothes

God has always had a way of using music in my life. Sometimes He will use the words of a song to speak to me, and other times He will simply use the anointing on the music to begin speaking to my heart. This happened to me this past Sunday. As I sat in a powerful service, God began to speak to me concerning Lazarus.

It amazes me how God can say so much to you in such a short span of time as you sit in His presence. It seemed as if I heard an entire message from Him concerning why my walk with Him had taken the route it had taken. He started with speaking the passage of scripture from John 11:43-44.

"And when He thus had spoken, He cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth.

And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with grave-clothes, and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go."

Jesus calls out to the hearts of all who are dead in their sins and trespasses. Our Father draws us to Him and through His Holy Ghost He convicts us of our sins and leads us to repentance. He had done so in my own life. He wooed me with His love for me and drew me to my knees in surrender to Him. When I fell to my knees in complete surrender, He cried out, "Schledia, come forth." It is what He did for you if you have been born again. He called out your name, commanding your spirit to come to life! 

That night in 1996 the Life of God entered my spirit. I was no longer dead in sin but alive in God. I walked out of the tomb I had lived in, but I was still bound in grave-clothes. When Lazarus came forth full of life, his hands were bound; his feet were bound, and his face was bound. Jesus did not walk up to him and begin taking the grave-clothes off him. No, he commanded those around him to Loose him, and let him go. That is the job of the church with the five-fold ministry (Apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, and evangelists) as its leaders. Jesus told the disciples to go into the world and preach the gospel and make disciples of all nations, teaching them to observe all things He had commanded them. (Matthew 28:19-20)

Scripture points out first that Lazarus's hands were bound. If the grave-clothes are never taken off our hands, how can we serve Him? How can we lay hands on the sick and know they will recover? Our hands are still bound. I believe unbelief is one of the grave-clothes that bind our hands. If we do not believe what the Word of God says about the Power He has given to us, how can we serve Him? How can we minister to the world? 

I was in a church at the time that taught the Word of God. Romans 10:17, "So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God." The pastor was a gifted teacher of the Word, and there were many great teachers placed in my life while in that particular church. My hands were unbound by the teaching of the Word. My faith grew and my unbelief diminished. I began serving in ministry within 6 months of my born again experience.

My question to you is: Have your hands been unbound? Have you desired to serve the Lord, yet you keep hearing the voices that tell you you're unworthy? Have you been called upon to pray for someone, and you simply brush it off because you don't know if God will actually heal them or deliver them? Are you hands bound by unbelief in who you are in Christ?

The next thing we see is that his feet were bound. If we are never loosed from our grave-clothes, how can we walk for long without falling? Yes, we can move forward in God, but our journey will be a difficult one to make. Try binding your feet together and see how far you can get without falling down. I think the things that bind our feet (and our legs, essentially) are the sins we were entangled in during our life before we came to God. Some of these are taken off by the church. We are taught to hide the Word in our heart that we might not sin against Him. 

We must hide the Word in our heart, but we need more than that to overcome sin. We need the Holy Ghost! Jesus told the disciples they would receive power after the Holy Ghost comes upon them. Acts 1:8, "But ye shall receive power, after the Holy Ghost is come upon you; and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth." The Holy Ghost empowers us to be a witness, to overcome sin, and to cast out devils. We need the Holy Ghost! I just can't say it enough. 

I received the Holy Ghost, and as I jumped forward a step, the church taught me the Word which exposed my sin, and the Holy Spirit empowered me to overcome it. One strip of grave-clothing at a time, I began being loosed. Have you received the Holy Spirit since you believed? (Acts 19:2) Do you have the power to overcome sin and be a witness to the world?

The portion of the scripture that pricked my heart more than it all was that Lazarus's face was bound with a napkin. I felt the Lord show me my own face covered with a mask throughout my entire walk with Him. My hands had been freed to serve Him, and my feet had been loosed of almost every strip of grave-clothing, but my face had never been unbound. I had sought out counsel, longing for the cloth that smothered me to be taken off my face, so the truth of me, who I was, and what my heart was enduring could be revealed. I wanted to be completely free, but the cloth blinded me to seeing the road before me. God had set a path for me, a way to go, but it was darkness to me because my eyes were still covered. That caused it to be frightening, and fear set in. As a result of having to hide behind the grave-cloth that covered my face, I lived in a state of depression.

The last thing God spoke to me in that flash of a moment was the letter of the law brings death but the spirit of the law brings life. (2 Corinthians 3:6) This is where I was left for 21 years. The letter of the law had been ministered to me when I sought to have the grave-cloth removed from my face. It brought to my life the slow process of death through depression. I was still alive in God, but I was suffocating and slowing losing the breath of life. In that instant I knew God was revealing why I had struggled for so many years. It was the reason why I had hidden my heart from everyone. I wore a mask for everyone to see, but it was merely a painted grave-cloth. 

I continued for years to go to God, seeking deliverance from the strands of cloth still binding my walk and the cloth over my face; the two were intertwined for me---those things still binding my feet being the things I used as a coping mechanism to deal with the hidden pain I lived in daily. I got to the point that my breathing had slowed down. My last painful breath was only seconds away. I felt it coming, and I embraced it. I even begged God for it to come. I could no longer endure the pain I lived in daily. 

It was during that time when God sent a friend into my life. When I shared with this friend what was hidden beneath the grave-cloth, the spirit of the law was expressed to me for the first time, and for the first time in 21 years, I had God's light shine into my eyes, and He revealed the path He had before me concerning my situation and pain. The grave-cloth was finally removed, and I was set free from the remaining strips that had bound my feet and caused me to fall as I walked the path to my destiny. 

Are you still walking with a grave-cloth (a mask) covering your face---who you are and the wounds that have been inflicted upon you? I may not know what your painted grave-cloth is covering, but I can tell you this, if you walk away from counsel feeling as if you have been locked in a prison, the letter of the law was likely ministered to you. Most likely the ones ministering the letter do so unknowingly. They may honestly be well meaning. I know the ones who ministered to me meant well.

If you are a minister, seek God fervently before ministering to someone about the choices they have in their circumstances.  Ask God to lead you through the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law, and remember, the call of the church is to loose them, and let them go! 

Be Blessed and be made whole,


Pinky 

My Testimony

From a young age I was told by my father that I had a great calling on my life, but the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He did so when I was very young. In order to protect myself, my mind put up huge walls around me---like the hard outer shell a hermit crab lives in. The hermit comes out on occasions, but always retreats inside the shell for protection. I often found myself alone, traipsing through the woods around my house in quiet solitude. It was the place I found comfort and peace. I had an ability to completely block out all reality, disconnecting myself from life with little effort. I had lost self-worth and constantly felt inferiority dripping over me like hot oil running down my head and oozing its way to my belly. I lived with nervous knots in my stomach and a huge hole in my heart, afraid to speak to anyone outside of my immediate family and close friends, all THREE of them!  Most of my time was spent alone in the quiet, listening to the sounds of nature. I’m quite certain God walked with me on those walks because of the peace I felt during those times. 

As I got a little older I learned to move some of those heavy boulders used to build that wall, and I put doors there to allow a few people through, but I refused to tear it down because it protected me; I only wanted to allow a handful of people in. The enemy found weak spots and forced his way through them, often using the words of my peers to pierce through and penetrate my heart, like being told I was ugly and unloved. I continued to spend most of my time alone in silence. When I was with others, I was still silent. I know this is hard for those of you who know me now to believe because I talk now, but ask anyone who knew me in school and they will tell you what they remember about me is that I never talked. One of my high school friends described me as being socially awkward, unable to talk to people and let others in. Another one said when asked, “No, Schledia never talked, but I could always tell she had a kind spirit.”

When my family fell apart, the enemy found another way in. He used that access and started reminding me of some of the things that had taken place when I was little, the reasons I had built the wall in the first place. I had not known why I had built it because my mind had locked that information away to protect me from it, but Satan reminded me of one of those instances. I began turning to alcohol to drown the memory. I didn’t want it to be true. It was during that time that I started to talk. Most of the time I cried, but I found when I was drunk, I could talk about my feelings and release all the torment bottled inside me, but Satan had gained entry and was effectively destroying my life. He had already stolen my innocence as a small child. His destruction worked quickly, leading up to his plan to kill. On the day he planned to carry out his attack and have me end my own life, God had a friend of mine give me a bible. It is the bible I still use today. God spared my life that day, knowing what the enemy had been doing to me all along. He was the one who gave me the ability to block out the memories and find solitude and quiet where I could spend hours not even thinking. It was his protection. It took me a long time to realize how He had shielded my heart and mind. 

Within the last several years, bits and pieces of other memories from my childhood have found their way out, but they found their way to my conscious mind at a time when I was rooted and grounded and able to bear what they revealed. I still don’t see the whole picture. Maybe because God knows I’m not ready to see it. 

I went on a Lady's Retreat some years back. We were asked to label rocks with our burdens, place them in a backpack, and carry them around. I put rocks representing the little things I think of on a daily basis, the things my mind allows me to see and feel. We were then asked to take a God Walk, not thinking, not singing, not talking, not praying. We were told it would be difficult to block everything out. I honestly didn’t understand how it could be difficult because it was my life. I had lived most of my life exactly that way.  I carried those rocks around with me on my God walk, doing exactly what came naturally to me, walking through nature, observing, listening without thought in complete silence. It was my safe haven, always had been. When I happened upon a rock that was huge, I realized it was the rock that should be in my pack, but it was much too big for me to carry. 

I took a picture of that rock to remind me of what should be in my pack, and I heard God say to me He had always carried it for me. He had allowed me to carry the burdens He knew I could handle, the smaller rocks that represented the inferiority, the self-consciousness, the loneliness, and the worthlessness I felt---all bits and pieces broken off the big rock He bore for me. The rock weighed too much, so He allowed my mind to hide it from me. He showed me how the enemy used his entrance after the destruction of my family to reveal the weight of that rock to me, and how that is what led to me not wanting to live anymore because I picked up the rock was I never meant to bear. 

This is what it means when the Word of God tells us He bore our burdens. He picked up the weight of all those things in our lives so we wouldn't have to carry them, but sometimes we take those heavy boulders out of His hands and attempt to carry them with our own strength. Give them back to Him. He never intended for you to take it from Him.

On my way back, I started to feel the weight of the backpack and the rocks. One side was heavier than the other and it pulled and strained on me, tugging me to one side. Going up a hill, the weight causing pain on one side of my back, I heard Him speak and tell me the weights we bear, while not put on us by Him, are used by Him to build strength, endurance, and character in us. 

You can do one of two things with the weights the enemy puts on you throughout your life. You can use them to build strength, endurance, and character, or you can stop, pull out the weights the enemy has placed upon you and start throwing those rocks at passersby, but those rocks are like boomerangs, they hit and inflict the same pain you feel on those you strike with them, but they come back to you, finding their way back in your pack, stained with the blood of those you’ve injured. If you choose the later, you will find you did not gain strength, endurance, or character, you gained bitterness, hatred, and revenge.

I urge any and all to think of the rocks and burdens you carry, the things the enemy of your soul has placed upon you. It is him who wants you to throw those rocks at others and inflict pain upon them. It is his whole purpose in this world. Think of those rocks and realize God intends for you to build spiritual muscle, spiritual endurance, and character, so that you end your journey full of love, compassion, and grace. And stop attempting to pick up those heavy boulders.

Do not play into the enemy’s hands because the blood of innocent people hit by your rocks is heavy, and when those burdens come back to you, they weigh more and increase the bitterness and darkness within your heart. They spark the hatred and set fire to the revenge, the weight of which is too difficult to bear and will leave you stuck in your path, never making it to your destiny. Use them, rather, to make it to your destiny full of purpose and power to change the lives of others and the world for good.

Be blessed and be made whole,

Pinky 

The Silence is Ending

 Artwork by Lauren Anderson

Words have escaped me (a writer) for some time now, a little over a year in fact. I have felt as if I've been placed by God in a time of silence as a test. It's not easy to surrender to a test of silence, especially when the silence means you can't defend yourself. It hurt. It was painful. At times I questioned God why I had to allow others to be able to say what they were saying and sit silently on the sidelines. My flesh wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at the passers by as they shot their flaming arrows through the sky. Some of those people looked me straight in the eyes as they shot their arrows while others pulled back their bow and released their arrows into the darkness surrounding them, but God kept reminding me that He would be my shield. 

God gave me a song many years ago titled, "I Will Be Your Shield." The Chorus of the song goes: "I will be your shield from the fiery arrows. No matter where you are, I'm never very far, and I will be your shield from the fiery arrows. The enemy may come, but he can't get past My Son, and He will be your shield." 

It doesn't matter where we are in our walk with God, He will be our shield. Yes, the enemy will come to shoot those fiery arrows, but he cannot get past Jesus if we hold up the shield of Faith and allow Jesus to be our shield. God was preparing me all those years ago to cling to Him when the battle full of fiery arrows would be unleashed upon me.

Recently words began coming to me, words I've longed to say over the past year but haven't been allowed to speak. I have felt as if the time of silence is nearing its end. I realized this when I recognized why the words were coming to me. I have a testimony. I have been through things that other women are going through, and my experiences may help them. It's time for the silence to end. It's time for me to speak, and I want to start with the silence.

I was strongly led by God to remain silent during my divorce, and that is what I did. It's actually the opposite of what most people do, and it's definitely the opposite of what my ex did. I had a very small handful of people I knew I could trust, and they were the only ones to hear my words. I lost friendships due to my silence, even when they arranged meetings and tried to pry words from me to "expose my guilt" while ignoring and excusing all the years of pain I had endured. My silence seemed to confirm my "guilt" to many. I even read a post from a church member that said in so many words, Your silence shows your guilt. But God kept telling me that my silence would do just the opposite.

It took me a long time to see what God was teaching me through it all, but in the end what I finally realized through my silence (as all the rumors and lies being spread about me kept coming back to me) was that this world thrives on inflicting pain, and Satan uses Christians just as much as he uses non-Christians. The sad thing is...most of those Christians feel justified when they snub you out in public because you left a person they think is wonderful, yet never once do they ask you "Why?" All they know is the lie they were told by the one who was left. 

You see, as Christians,God wants us to be like Him. Jesus stayed silent when He was accused, and that is to be our example. He cried out from the cross, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." I've had to first realize that even the Christians joining in on the attack against me "know not what they do," and I've had to forgive them. I've also had to look at my life and my walk and examine myself. I never want to be found guilty of doing what was done to me, and honestly, I can see in my past where I have been guilty, so I have found myself on my knees asking for forgiveness for standing in judgment of others. God never intends for us as believers to inflict pain upon other Christians. First and foremost He doesn't want that because He prayed we would be one in unity, and secondly, He doesn't intend that because the world knows we are of God by how we treat (love) one another.

Have you been guilty of listening to gossip and rumors within the church walls? Outside of the church? Maybe you've listened to rumors and lies under the guise of "pray for so and so." Have you in turn judged another believer by what you've been told? If you examine yourself and find yourself guilty, all it takes is going to God and asking Him to forgive you. If you can go to the person you've mistreated, do so. It will mean the world to them. Be the healing balm that God uses rather than the fiery darts the enemy shoots to inflict harm.

Be blessed and be made whole,

Pinky

These Things Ought Not To Be

The scripture has been coming to mind lately concerning two or three witnesses. While I'm not certain who this may be for, I am positive someone out there needs to hear this.

All too often in our work places, amongst friends, in our families, and, yes, even in churches, talk destroys relationships.

When I was a little girl I was taught the saying, "Never believe anything you hear and only half of what you see because what you hear is called rumors and gossip and what you see might appear to be one thing when it is in fact another. Something can be completely innocent, yet it can appear to be riddled with guilt."

God dealt with this as well in the scripture, and He went so far as to say one witness wasn't enough, so if you've been guilty of going around saying something someone told you they saw with their own eyes, God's question to you would be, "Was it seen by two or three credible witnesses?". The reason for that is eye witness testimony has proven (more often than not) to be false. That is because the human memory is unreliable! Not only is human memory unreliable, but eye witness testimony may place a person in a location and then the witness assumes the reason for the person being in that location. Let me give you a couple of examples...

Two female friends decide to have a girls day out, so they tell their husbands where they are going and who they will be with. They are in a public place together. They spend the day together enjoying themselves. Girl 1 gets a phone call on her cell. It's a private family situation, so she excuses herself and tells her friend she will meet her in the car in ten minutes. Girl 2 gets the ticket for their shared meal, pays for it, and heads to the restroom to give her friend a moment of privacy before heading out to the vehicle. As she exits the restroom, she runs into a male friend. They speak to one another. Being the gentleman he is, he offers to walk her out to her vehicle; after all, he works at the same company as her husband. He knows him as well.  As they walk across the parking lot, she runs into another female she knows entering the restaurant. She stops and hugs her and says hi. She doesn't think twice about the fact she was being walked to her car. Six months later, she discovers that the female friend she ran into has told people she saw her "with" another man!

An eye "witness" saw her with another man and assumed it was something scandalous, and by telling others she saw it, she destroyed relationships.

Another example: A single woman walks into a department store to shop. As she's leaving with bags in tow, a married man she knows opens the door for her and walks out with her. She looks up at him, shocked by his presence because she was engrossed in gathering all the bags she had and trying to find her keys in her purse as she walked towards the door. She smiles, and they converse as he walks her to her car as any gentleman would do. Yet his gentlemanly act is assaulted when someone who knows him sees him from a distance and runs to his wife, telling her that she has just seen her husband out "with" another woman!

An eye "witness" saw the man with another woman and assumed he was doing something inappropriate and by telling his wife, she caused marital problems where there were none. 

This is why God doesn't take it lightly when people go around spreading gossip and rumors. 

Proverbs 6:16-19King James Version (KJV)

¹⁶ These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
¹⁷ A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
¹⁸ An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
¹⁹ A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

So, what we see here is that the first six listed, God hates, but the seventh one is an abomination to Him. That's pretty strong. 

My question then is what is a false witness? According to scripture a false witness is someone who spreads a false report. Maybe they were the only person who saw something, and they "assumed" what they were seeing. They ARE a false witness. Maybe they were TOLD something by someone else, and they are going around telling others they believe it. They ARE a false witness. When someone tells you something about someone else, and they add that so and so saw it with their own eyes, if they do not give you two or three credible names who saw the same exact situation, they are spreading LIES according to the Word of God, and those who spread gossip and rumors of a false witness are in fact sowing discord, and that is something God calls an abomination!

James 1:26
If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless. 

James 3:3-10

Now if we put the bits into the horses' mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!  And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

Maybe you are out there reading this and you've heard someone say they saw something, before you go around telling even one soul, think about these scriptures. Did two or three credible witnesses tell you the same story? If not, it does not stand before God. Does James consider your religion worthless? If you are telling things you "think" to be true but you do not have two or three witnesses to cause it to be established as a truth according to scripture, James says your religion is worthless, and you have deceived yourself.

The tongue is a deadly poison. Think about the relationships you could be destroying when you open your mouth and loosen your tongue. Think about the spiritual death you may be bringing about. Think about the evil you are guilty of when you do not bridle the tongue. Choose to speak life. Choose to speak up when someone tells you they saw someone doing something wrong and interject life. Remind them it may not be what it seems, and remind them it is not wise for them to spread something that they do not know to be a fact. Choose to speak out that you will NOT believe something that is being spread unless it lines up with the standard the Word of God sets. Choose to rise above. Choose to tame the tongue. Let the gossip stop with you. 

Be blessed and be made whole,

Pinky

The Gift of Wholeness

The bitter sting of pain has brought tears to my smiling eyes and a dull ache to my blissful heart as of late. That sentence seems conflicting, doesn't it? It makes no sense. It's illogical, and I'm a logical woman. I need to be able to understand things, not only through faith but through reason as well. The ability for my heart to feel both emotions at the same moment over the same situation prompted me to dwell on how and why. How can we feel two opposite emotions all at the same time? How can we experience complete and total joy while being stabbed in the heart with the dull knife of pain? As I took a moment to "selah" over that thought and talk to God about it, I came to the knowledge and belief that we are able to do both at the same time through the amazing gift of being made whole!

Just a year ago I would not have felt utter joy while my heart ached as it has this holiday season. A year ago I was a broken woman, a woman who had a wounded and bleeding heart that had never healed. I had come to God and given Him my life. He had moved in my life and set me free from many things, but I had endured stab after stab after stab through the years that had injured me and left my wounds freely bleeding. I was imprisoned by my wounds, and my circumstances kept the wounds from healing. As I bleed out all of the life and vitality of my spirit and soul, I slowly died. People around me saw a living being with a smile planted upon her face, a smile that covered and hid the pain lurking beneath the surface. The truth is I was lifeless. I wore a mask for others to see, but God knew the truth. God was the one I cried out to when no one else was around. He was the one for whom I took off my mask.

During those years of hidden pain, any and all jabs and punches thrown my way sent me whirling into a depression. I fought back with the spiritual strength I had, but when your spirit is bleeding, that strength does not last. Not being whole prevents even the strongest person from having the stamina to fight back, and in our weakness we are overcome by negative influences and moods. I did not have the ability to process the pain because I was not whole. I was covered with lacerations. My spirit and soul were not healthy as a result. I prayed for many years for God to bring complete deliverance in my life. This thing of being made whole doesn't come in an instant. It takes time. God does not always answer your prayers instantaneously. He brings things to pass in His perfect timing. I needed my circumstances to change in order for my wounds to begin healing. In my case my circumstances kept me in a perpetual state of injury.

Once the journey of changed circumstances began, I needed to no longer be half of the person I was made to be. I needed the one I was made to complete---the one made to complete me. Some of you reading this may feel it odd that a woman in 2016 would say such a thing, but I believe the word of God to be true. I believe He made woman for man and that it is not good for man to be alone. I believe God creates us with a particular person in mind. He forms us to complete that person, and they in turn complete us. Two become one. I am a woman with a mind of her own, but I needed my beloved, my forever, and he needed me.

I've learned a lot over the last year of my life as I ventured towards completeness. I've learned that pain overcomes a heart that is not whole; it consumes the broken heart. Once you've allowed God to complete the healing in your life, pain no longer has the same affect on the heart or mind. Being whole doesn't change the fact that we live in a world with good and bad; it just means the pain associated with the bad doesn't take away any of the joy we have. I have experienced that for the first time in my life this holiday season.

My family dynamic has completely changed. I stood in my new living room with my new husband watching my daughter and my young stepson decorate the Christmas tree together. It was a new tradition being created. I've always decorated the tree while my children were at school, but this year our two youngest hung the ornaments. Christmas music surrounded us all, flooding the atmosphere with the spirit of the season. I felt such happiness in that moment, yet a tear spilled over onto my cheek as I missed my other children. They are growing up and making their own way in life now. They have girlfriends and a boyfriend and best friends and jobs and school, and they are starting to fly out of their nest. It's a natural process to release them into life and adulthood, but the changes in my new life have made it sting a little more.

Last year during this season, sadness consumed me. I sat and watched my children open their gifts in their own environment, and I felt momentary cheerfulness in their joy, but the ache in my heart overwhelmed even the happiness, causing it to be a glimpse of laughter snatched away in an instant. I could not overpower the misery because my heart was a shattered glass scattered over years of heartbreak. This year, I feel sorrow, but a strong heart made whole through God and His wonderful gift to me is able to smile with a tear in my eye.

I always end my blog with "Be blessed and be made whole." I understand now why God placed that particular saying on my heart. I was on my own journey to wholeness, and I want others to experience the same. Never give up! It took years for God to heal my heart. It was worth the wait.

Be blessed and be made whole,

Pinky

The Kind of Man I Married

This really isn't an epiphany, but it is something I wanted to share. I recently married the first boy I ever loved. God brought him into my life, and I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. We decided to write our own vows to one another. I wanted to share the vows he wrote to me. 

You may wonder why I would want to share them on here. I want to express to the world the kind of man I married. I want to honor him the way he deserves to be honored. He is truly the best man I know, and I think there are young men out there who need an example to follow; here is your example. Be the kind of man who says these words and lives these words...

My Dearest Schledia,
     It's hard to put into words how I really feel. My mother used to tell me to be nice to little girls because they'll soon grow up. How could I have known that little girl would turn out to be you. 
     When God orchestrated our meeting again after all these years, I had no idea of what was about to happen in our lives. As a friend you have become my very best. I've witnessed things in you that have endeared me to you like no other before. I've watched you sacrifice for those that you love as well as shed tears for burdens and loss that were not your own. I've seen you remain a faithful friend to people that turned their back on you and stand strong in your faith as the enemy fired arrows of spite and malice to try and crush your spirit. 
     And though I wasn't a broken vessel when you found me, God readily used you to strengthen and create in me a better man, filling a part of my life that I didn't even realize was desolate.
     I adore the way your hands fit into mine and the way you look into my eyes as if you're watching the sunset for the first time in your life. It makes me feel like I'm the only man that has ever known love this pure. When we're apart I feel anxious, lovesick, even heartbroken (and that's just when you go to pick up the children from school).
     It's because of this that I give myself, all that I am and all that I will become, to you. Wholeheartedly. 
     I vow that honesty, faithfulness, and love will be my gift to you every day of our lives, without fail. 
     I vow to continue to make Christ the center of our lives, putting you and our children ever before myself.
     I vow to show our daughters the standard to hold young men to in the way that I love and honor you.
     I also vow to be the example for our sons to follow in being a loving husband, father, and most importantly a humble servant of Christ. 
     I promise to listen at least half as much as I talk and to be mindful of your needs as well as your heart's desire. 
     Pinky, you've told me so many times that I have always been the man of your dreams. You've told me that you prayed for me at different times through the years when God would lay me on your heart. I truly believe that God has preserved me through all of my failures and trials and mistakes to create in me the man that stands here with you today...God's gift to you. 
     So, I take you, Schledia Phillips, to be my wife. I love you with all my heart, and I know that you are the one God made for me.

The Blessings in the Storms

Hey, guys!

It's been a while since I've had an epiphany, so I've been silent, but I had another one a little over a week ago, and I wanted to share. 

My youngest son's birthday is July 14; my baby girl's birthday is the 31st, and my middle son's birthday is August 14th, so they're all two weeks apart. I didn't have the finances to do anything for them this year other than bake them a cake on their birthdays. I felt horrible, but God... I was blessed with enough money to take them to the water park (after a certain time you get a reduced rate!). My boyfriend has a little boy who just had a birthday as well, so I planned for two weeks to take them all on a trip to Gulf Shores. We had the entire day planned out, and everyone was excited. 

After we turned south off the Interstate headed to our destination, dark clouds filled the sky. We pressed forward, praying the clouds were closer to our present location than to our destination. We were hopeful yet concerned until we saw a wall of water straight ahead! My heart sank and so did theirs. We knew our day was doomed by the storm, so we discussed what we should do. We all quickly decided to continue on with the day. We figured we would find something indoors we could do and enjoy.

We drove through the wall of water to find it barely sprinkling not far in the distance on the other side. As we approached the water park, we made a choice to see if they were still open for business. They were! We got a reduced rate to get in, had no lines to get on the slides, and it barely sprinkled a time or two! We ended up having a blast, and the nice overcast kept the sun from beating down on us and burning us. It ended up being the perfect time to be at the water park. No burned feet from the hot cement, and no sweltering, miserable heat taking your breath away. It was warm yet cool all at the same time. I turned and looked at my boyfriend as we watched the children having a wonderful time together, and we both decided that there was a blessing in the storm. 

That day's events had me thinking...how many times do we see a storm coming in our spiritual lives and turn back, turn around, and head in the opposite direction? We often run from the storm rather than drive straight through it. From a distance the storm seemed much worse than what it turned out to be, and had we not made a choice to keep moving forward and to not allow the rain to stop us, we would have missed out on one of the best days we've all had together. 

I think the enemy has a way of making those clouds look darker than what they truly are. He uses fear to cause us to turn away from the blessings in the storms! 

Be blessed and be made whole,

Schledia