These Things Ought Not To Be

The scripture has been coming to mind lately concerning two or three witnesses. While I'm not certain who this may be for, I am positive someone out there needs to hear this.

All too often in our work places, amongst friends, in our families, and, yes, even in churches, talk destroys relationships.

When I was a little girl I was taught the saying, "Never believe anything you hear and only half of what you see because what you hear is called rumors and gossip and what you see might appear to be one thing when it is in fact another. Something can be completely innocent, yet it can appear to be riddled with guilt."

God dealt with this as well in the scripture, and He went so far as to say one witness wasn't enough, so if you've been guilty of going around saying something someone told you they saw with their own eyes, God's question to you would be, "Was it seen by two or three credible witnesses?". The reason for that is eye witness testimony has proven (more often than not) to be false. That is because the human memory is unreliable! Not only is human memory unreliable, but eye witness testimony may place a person in a location and then the witness assumes the reason for the person being in that location. Let me give you a couple of examples...

Two female friends decide to have a girls day out, so they tell their husbands where they are going and who they will be with. They are in a public place together. They spend the day together enjoying themselves. Girl 1 gets a phone call on her cell. It's a private family situation, so she excuses herself and tells her friend she will meet her in the car in ten minutes. Girl 2 gets the ticket for their shared meal, pays for it, and heads to the restroom to give her friend a moment of privacy before heading out to the vehicle. As she exits the restroom, she runs into a male friend. They speak to one another. Being the gentleman he is, he offers to walk her out to her vehicle; after all, he works at the same company as her husband. He knows him as well.  As they walk across the parking lot, she runs into another female she knows entering the restaurant. She stops and hugs her and says hi. She doesn't think twice about the fact she was being walked to her car. Six months later, she discovers that the female friend she ran into has told people she saw her "with" another man!

An eye "witness" saw her with another man and assumed it was something scandalous, and by telling others she saw it, she destroyed relationships.

Another example: A single woman walks into a department store to shop. As she's leaving with bags in tow, a married man she knows opens the door for her and walks out with her. She looks up at him, shocked by his presence because she was engrossed in gathering all the bags she had and trying to find her keys in her purse as she walked towards the door. She smiles, and they converse as he walks her to her car as any gentleman would do. Yet his gentlemanly act is assaulted when someone who knows him sees him from a distance and runs to his wife, telling her that she has just seen her husband out "with" another woman!

An eye "witness" saw the man with another woman and assumed he was doing something inappropriate and by telling his wife, she caused marital problems where there were none. 

This is why God doesn't take it lightly when people go around spreading gossip and rumors. 

Proverbs 6:16-19King James Version (KJV)

¹⁶ These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
¹⁷ A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
¹⁸ An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
¹⁹ A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

So, what we see here is that the first six listed, God hates, but the seventh one is an abomination to Him. That's pretty strong. 

My question then is what is a false witness? According to scripture a false witness is someone who spreads a false report. Maybe they were the only person who saw something, and they "assumed" what they were seeing. They ARE a false witness. Maybe they were TOLD something by someone else, and they are going around telling others they believe it. They ARE a false witness. When someone tells you something about someone else, and they add that so and so saw it with their own eyes, if they do not give you two or three credible names who saw the same exact situation, they are spreading LIES according to the Word of God, and those who spread gossip and rumors of a false witness are in fact sowing discord, and that is something God calls an abomination!

James 1:26
If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless. 

James 3:3-10

Now if we put the bits into the horses' mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!  And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

Maybe you are out there reading this and you've heard someone say they saw something, before you go around telling even one soul, think about these scriptures. Did two or three credible witnesses tell you the same story? If not, it does not stand before God. Does James consider your religion worthless? If you are telling things you "think" to be true but you do not have two or three witnesses to cause it to be established as a truth according to scripture, James says your religion is worthless, and you have deceived yourself.

The tongue is a deadly poison. Think about the relationships you could be destroying when you open your mouth and loosen your tongue. Think about the spiritual death you may be bringing about. Think about the evil you are guilty of when you do not bridle the tongue. Choose to speak life. Choose to speak up when someone tells you they saw someone doing something wrong and interject life. Remind them it may not be what it seems, and remind them it is not wise for them to spread something that they do not know to be a fact. Choose to speak out that you will NOT believe something that is being spread unless it lines up with the standard the Word of God sets. Choose to rise above. Choose to tame the tongue. Let the gossip stop with you. 

Be blessed and be made whole,

Pinky

The Gift of Wholeness

The bitter sting of pain has brought tears to my smiling eyes and a dull ache to my blissful heart as of late. That sentence seems conflicting, doesn't it? It makes no sense. It's illogical, and I'm a logical woman. I need to be able to understand things, not only through faith but through reason as well. The ability for my heart to feel both emotions at the same moment over the same situation prompted me to dwell on how and why. How can we feel two opposite emotions all at the same time? How can we experience complete and total joy while being stabbed in the heart with the dull knife of pain? As I took a moment to "selah" over that thought and talk to God about it, I came to the knowledge and belief that we are able to do both at the same time through the amazing gift of being made whole!

Just a year ago I would not have felt utter joy while my heart ached as it has this holiday season. A year ago I was a broken woman, a woman who had a wounded and bleeding heart that had never healed. I had come to God and given Him my life. He had moved in my life and set me free from many things, but I had endured stab after stab after stab through the years that had injured me and left my wounds freely bleeding. I was imprisoned by my wounds, and my circumstances kept the wounds from healing. As I bleed out all of the life and vitality of my spirit and soul, I slowly died. People around me saw a living being with a smile planted upon her face, a smile that covered and hid the pain lurking beneath the surface. The truth is I was lifeless. I wore a mask for others to see, but God knew the truth. God was the one I cried out to when no one else was around. He was the one for whom I took off my mask.

During those years of hidden pain, any and all jabs and punches thrown my way sent me whirling into a depression. I fought back with the spiritual strength I had, but when your spirit is bleeding, that strength does not last. Not being whole prevents even the strongest person from having the stamina to fight back, and in our weakness we are overcome by negative influences and moods. I did not have the ability to process the pain because I was not whole. I was covered with lacerations. My spirit and soul were not healthy as a result. I prayed for many years for God to bring complete deliverance in my life. This thing of being made whole doesn't come in an instant. It takes time. God does not always answer your prayers instantaneously. He brings things to pass in His perfect timing. I needed my circumstances to change in order for my wounds to begin healing. In my case my circumstances kept me in a perpetual state of injury.

Once the journey of changed circumstances began, I needed to no longer be half of the person I was made to be. I needed the one I was made to complete---the one made to complete me. Some of you reading this may feel it odd that a woman in 2016 would say such a thing, but I believe the word of God to be true. I believe He made woman for man and that it is not good for man to be alone. I believe God creates us with a particular person in mind. He forms us to complete that person, and they in turn complete us. Two become one. I am a woman with a mind of her own, but I needed my beloved, my forever, and he needed me.

I've learned a lot over the last year of my life as I ventured towards completeness. I've learned that pain overcomes a heart that is not whole; it consumes the broken heart. Once you've allowed God to complete the healing in your life, pain no longer has the same affect on the heart or mind. Being whole doesn't change the fact that we live in a world with good and bad; it just means the pain associated with the bad doesn't take away any of the joy we have. I have experienced that for the first time in my life this holiday season.

My family dynamic has completely changed. I stood in my new living room with my new husband watching my daughter and my young stepson decorate the Christmas tree together. It was a new tradition being created. I've always decorated the tree while my children were at school, but this year our two youngest hung the ornaments. Christmas music surrounded us all, flooding the atmosphere with the spirit of the season. I felt such happiness in that moment, yet a tear spilled over onto my cheek as I missed my other children. They are growing up and making their own way in life now. They have girlfriends and a boyfriend and best friends and jobs and school, and they are starting to fly out of their nest. It's a natural process to release them into life and adulthood, but the changes in my new life have made it sting a little more.

Last year during this season, sadness consumed me. I sat and watched my children open their gifts in their own environment, and I felt momentary cheerfulness in their joy, but the ache in my heart overwhelmed even the happiness, causing it to be a glimpse of laughter snatched away in an instant. I could not overpower the misery because my heart was a shattered glass scattered over years of heartbreak. This year, I feel sorrow, but a strong heart made whole through God and His wonderful gift to me is able to smile with a tear in my eye.

I always end my blog with "Be blessed and be made whole." I understand now why God placed that particular saying on my heart. I was on my own journey to wholeness, and I want others to experience the same. Never give up! It took years for God to heal my heart. It was worth the wait.

Be blessed and be made whole,

Pinky

The Kind of Man I Married

This really isn't an epiphany, but it is something I wanted to share. I recently married the first boy I ever loved. God brought him into my life, and I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. We decided to write our own vows to one another. I wanted to share the vows he wrote to me. 

You may wonder why I would want to share them on here. I want to express to the world the kind of man I married. I want to honor him the way he deserves to be honored. He is truly the best man I know, and I think there are young men out there who need an example to follow; here is your example. Be the kind of man who says these words and lives these words...

My Dearest Schledia,
     It's hard to put into words how I really feel. My mother used to tell me to be nice to little girls because they'll soon grow up. How could I have known that little girl would turn out to be you. 
     When God orchestrated our meeting again after all these years, I had no idea of what was about to happen in our lives. As a friend you have become my very best. I've witnessed things in you that have endeared me to you like no other before. I've watched you sacrifice for those that you love as well as shed tears for burdens and loss that were not your own. I've seen you remain a faithful friend to people that turned their back on you and stand strong in your faith as the enemy fired arrows of spite and malice to try and crush your spirit. 
     And though I wasn't a broken vessel when you found me, God readily used you to strengthen and create in me a better man, filling a part of my life that I didn't even realize was desolate.
     I adore the way your hands fit into mine and the way you look into my eyes as if you're watching the sunset for the first time in your life. It makes me feel like I'm the only man that has ever known love this pure. When we're apart I feel anxious, lovesick, even heartbroken (and that's just when you go to pick up the children from school).
     It's because of this that I give myself, all that I am and all that I will become, to you. Wholeheartedly. 
     I vow that honesty, faithfulness, and love will be my gift to you every day of our lives, without fail. 
     I vow to continue to make Christ the center of our lives, putting you and our children ever before myself.
     I vow to show our daughters the standard to hold young men to in the way that I love and honor you.
     I also vow to be the example for our sons to follow in being a loving husband, father, and most importantly a humble servant of Christ. 
     I promise to listen at least half as much as I talk and to be mindful of your needs as well as your heart's desire. 
     Pinky, you've told me so many times that I have always been the man of your dreams. You've told me that you prayed for me at different times through the years when God would lay me on your heart. I truly believe that God has preserved me through all of my failures and trials and mistakes to create in me the man that stands here with you today...God's gift to you. 
     So, I take you, Schledia Phillips, to be my wife. I love you with all my heart, and I know that you are the one God made for me.

The Blessings in the Storms

Hey, guys!

It's been a while since I've had an epiphany, so I've been silent, but I had another one a little over a week ago, and I wanted to share. 

My youngest son's birthday is July 14; my baby girl's birthday is the 31st, and my middle son's birthday is August 14th, so they're all two weeks apart. I didn't have the finances to do anything for them this year other than bake them a cake on their birthdays. I felt horrible, but God... I was blessed with enough money to take them to the water park (after a certain time you get a reduced rate!). My boyfriend has a little boy who just had a birthday as well, so I planned for two weeks to take them all on a trip to Gulf Shores. We had the entire day planned out, and everyone was excited. 

After we turned south off the Interstate headed to our destination, dark clouds filled the sky. We pressed forward, praying the clouds were closer to our present location than to our destination. We were hopeful yet concerned until we saw a wall of water straight ahead! My heart sank and so did theirs. We knew our day was doomed by the storm, so we discussed what we should do. We all quickly decided to continue on with the day. We figured we would find something indoors we could do and enjoy.

We drove through the wall of water to find it barely sprinkling not far in the distance on the other side. As we approached the water park, we made a choice to see if they were still open for business. They were! We got a reduced rate to get in, had no lines to get on the slides, and it barely sprinkled a time or two! We ended up having a blast, and the nice overcast kept the sun from beating down on us and burning us. It ended up being the perfect time to be at the water park. No burned feet from the hot cement, and no sweltering, miserable heat taking your breath away. It was warm yet cool all at the same time. I turned and looked at my boyfriend as we watched the children having a wonderful time together, and we both decided that there was a blessing in the storm. 

That day's events had me thinking...how many times do we see a storm coming in our spiritual lives and turn back, turn around, and head in the opposite direction? We often run from the storm rather than drive straight through it. From a distance the storm seemed much worse than what it turned out to be, and had we not made a choice to keep moving forward and to not allow the rain to stop us, we would have missed out on one of the best days we've all had together. 

I think the enemy has a way of making those clouds look darker than what they truly are. He uses fear to cause us to turn away from the blessings in the storms! 

Be blessed and be made whole,

Schledia

The Serpents in God's River

 Artwork by Lauren Anderson

The title may seem confusing, but it will all be explained as you read. ;-)

About a year ago I had a dream. In this dream I was in a Great river. I was staying afloat, but the current of the river was directing my course. I knew the river was the River of God. It took me through a lot of rough rapids before taking me into what seemed to be a calm, steady flow. It was then that I saw three serpents swimming towards me. I recognized immediately that they were venomous. Fear began to set in. Each of them bit me, one on each hand and the third over my heart; it was the most excruciating pain I’ve ever endured. I thought to myself that I would surely die, but I didn’t. God assured me I would be okay; I would survive. The waters continued to take me past the place where I had been bitten, carrying me down stream through the river’s course. 

I awoke from that dream knowing God had just shown me I was in His River. I understood God was directing my path, despite the rough rapids and the venomous serpents. If anyone attempts to tell you that if your path has difficult spots it is not God's direction for you, don't listen to them. All of the Apostles had trying lives.  And Jesus himself promised us difficulties if we follow Him. John 16:33, "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." For anyone to propose or think the enemy's presence in your life suggests you are out of God's will for your life, is preposterous!

The Apostle Paul was bitten on the hand by a serpent which led the islanders to accuse him of being a murderer, claiming the snake bite was vengeance (or karma). He shook off the viper and did not die! know this...there will be those who accuse you when the enemy attacks you. They will claim it is a sign you are in the wrong. Do what Paul did and shake that viper off. It's not easy; trust me, I know. Viper bites are painful, and they do inject poison. 

I understood the river was the River of God, and He was directing my path because it was the river’s current that guided me. I also understood it was going to take me through some rough times that would lead me to the most painful experience of my life, but I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt God showed me I would NOT die.  What I didn’t understand was the meaning of the three serpents. God impressed on my heart the importance of the serpents and the number of them, but I was in the dark as to what that significance was. 

I prayed for months and months for God to reveal the meaning of them to me. I watched as the waters got choppy in my life. Then 6 months ago, God’s river plunged me into unrelenting rapids. I was swept into the calm waters 3 months later at the end of February, and I was bitten by those venomous snakes. My dream was accurate; it has been the most painful experience of my life! But I have survived. 

It wasn’t until recently that God revealed the meaning of the three serpents to me, and that is the reason I felt led to share this. I feel there is someone out there who may need to hear how the enemy works in the lives of those who belong to God. The serpents were the forces of darkness used to inject me with poisonous venom. Satan can and does speak to us through our thought processes, but he also uses people as his vessels. Sometimes those people don’t even realize they are being used by him. At other times they are well aware of the venom they spew. 

I was bitten, and it hurt. God showed me the three fold venom I was injected with. The enemy was attempting to destroy me through three poisons, but God saw it coming and showed me for the purpose of being able to reveal to me at the right time what the serpents were and what their venom was. Like Paul, I’ve been accused, and I survived an attack from the enemy, but I freely admit the venom did enter my body. I struggled with the painful and deadly effects of the enemy’s poison until it was revealed to me that the three potent venoms were hatred, bitterness, and unforgiveness, and the poison’s mission was to kill me. The dream was about the vessels used to inject me and the venom I was injected with. 

Hatred, bitterness, and unforgiveness will bring death to the spirit of a man or woman.  But what God showed me through the dream was that I would survive. The thing is…I had to deal with the venom by recognizing it and taking it to God! The poison of a serpent enters the blood, but if we take those things to our Lord and Savior, asking Him to forgive us and to help us to forgive, He is faithful and just to cleanse us of all unrighteousness. And let’s be honest, those venomous things I was injected with are unrighteous. I don’t want to have a heart with darkness in it. I don’t want hatred to reside inside of me. I want the blood of Jesus to purge my blood of all its impurities and any venom the enemy attempts to infect me with. 

Mark 16:17 and 18, “And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents, and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.”

You see, believers are going to have to confront devils; they will even take up serpents. They are often bitten by the demonic forces they battle, but deadly things will NOT kill them. It may hurt, and the truth is, we (as believers) must allow Jesus’ blood to cleanse ours from the poison the enemy infects us with. Me, I’m clinging to the last of that passage…they shall recover. I’m going to recover and so will you!

Be blessed and be made whole,

Schledia

Veiled Grievances

Artwork by Lauren Anderson

Our cries are silent. 

Our tears run red.

Listen for the words,

That are not said.

Our wounds run deep.

Our fears well hid.

Look for the signs,

Our veiled grievances bid.

                                          Schledia Phillips

I wrote the above poem for the dedication of my book Wildflowers. Every writer cannot help but inject pieces of their own heart into their writings. It happens without thought on a subconscious level. Our pains and our struggles reveal themselves through the pen---the keyboard in today's world. It is a way, I suppose, of uncovering those veiled grievances, a way of trying to share with those you love what is truly going on in your heart and mind. Read a writer's work and you often gain an understanding of where the author has been and where they presently are in their life. You may even see where they hope to one day be in the future. 

Depression is something I know about more than I care to acknowledge, but my depression has never been from any sort of chemical imbalance. There are many forms of depression, including situational depression. There are also many forms of abuse. Wildflowers (the book for which the poem was written) deals with the subject of abuse. Most people look for bruises and broken bones, but verbal and emotional abuse don't leave visible marks. The bruises left by those two forms of abuse are on the soul, and it is the heart that is often shattered or broken. 

"Our cries are silent...listen for the words that are NOT said..." 

People close to me knew I struggled with depression, yet my cries were silent. You may be asking yourself, what do I mean by that? While others may have been able to see my melancholy state at times, I hid the whys from everyone. Surely you've heard the phrase, "suffer in silence." Often times people suffering from depression or abuse do just that. They suffer in silence. 

"Our fears well hid. Look for the signs..." It is a plea for someone to look and see that fear is there, yet it is being hid. Everyone trapped in any form of depression and/or abuse desperately wants to be rescued! I wanted to be rescued. God was the only one who heard my heart's cry. He is the only one I trusted to be completely open and honest with. I am a Christian, but I had seen too many who claim the name run around gossiping about others, so I held my pain inside, and I cried out to the one who formed me and knew my situation. He knew what no one else did. He knew my heart and the pain it had endured. He knew the brokenness of my life, despite the mask I put on for others to see. He heard even my silent cries and saw the blood in them from my brokenness. He heard the words I refused to speak. He saw the deepness of my wounds and the fears buried in them. He saw the signs and pulled back the veil, revealing my heart's grievances. God knew, and He loved me when others have shunned me and turned a cold shoulder to me. I'm thankful that God is God and humans are not because, despite a human's flawed nature and oftentimes their own past and struggles, they still cast stones and inflict pain and bruises on those longing to be healed.

God heard my cries, and He answered my prayers. There came a day when He handed me a key. It was a key that unlocked the prison door of my situation. And then He gave me the choice to use that key. It was frightening to shove that key in the keyhole, and I trembled as the door creaked open, but once it swung open wide and I stepped out into the sunshine and freedom, the dark veil that shrouded my life was lifted. I have been set free! 

If you are trapped in a prison of depression and/or abuse, you are not alone. There is a key to your prison door. I know it's frightening to imagine what might be on the other side of that door, but I assure you (as someone who walked through that door) it is worth unlocking and stepping through. 

Be blessed and be made whole,

Schledia Phillips

The Anagapesis

Artwork by Lauren Anderson


 "The Anagapesis"

The anagapesis is covered

By a disguise that is worn.

Onlookers see smiles,

But deep inside she mourns.

Her heart had been shattered

Throughout the years,

Yet she buried it under a mask

And hid all of her tears.

Her thoughts were to protect

Those she held dear;

To keep everyone happy

By concealing her fears.

She never imagined

she could be blamed.

For the cover-up she wore

Was only meant to hide shame.

The anagapesis uncovered

The mask now taken off.

As onlookers stand around

At her hidden pain they scoff.

Not understanding her love

Covered a multitude of misdeeds.

They jeer and point their fingers

When healing is what she needs.

                                               Schledia

The Cover Up

 Artwork by Lauren Anderson

I Peter 4:8, "Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins." NLT

Genesis 9:20-27, "Then Noah began farming and planted a vineyard. He drank of the wine and became drunk, and uncovered himself inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned away, so that they did not see their father’s nakedness. When Noah awoke from his wine, he knew what his youngest son had done to him. So he said,“Cursed be Canaan, a servant of servants he shall be to his brothers. He also said, “Blessed be the LORD, The God of Shem; And let Canaan be his servant. “May God enlarge Japheth, And let him dwell in the tents of Shem; And let Canaan be his servant.” NASB

I've always been a firm believer in the story of Noah's sons who covered his sin because they loved their father. This story has been on my heart a lot because of a meme I happened across some time back. The meme read: People tend to get MORE angry at the cover-up than the mistake. Personally, I find the two sayings to contradict one another. Scripture says that love covers sins (or mistakes if you choose to refer to it that way), but the meme seems to imply that people get angry at what scripture calls right, covering sins. What I see in Genesis 9 is that Noah cursed his son who exposed his sin. Yes, Ham exposed his dad's sin to his brothers. The two sons who covered him were blessed for their action.

What the Lord has been revealing to me through the scripture (and through the meme) is the difference between Him and people. See, God loved us so much that he died, and His blood COVERS our sins. He doesn't expose our sins to the world; He covers them. This is called Grace, and we are to be like Him. We are to love one another. If you love, you cover...not expose. This to me is proof of love. I can't go around telling people about another person's sins that I may happen to know about and then turn around and say that I love that person. Yesterday's message at church confirmed what God had been saying to me about all this.

I almost always sign off my blog by saying be blessed and be made whole. This message is one of the things God has been revealing to me about how I am to be blessed, and if it works for me, it works for you too. Be like Noah's two sons who covered his sins and were blessed as a result of it. As Christians we are not to go around revealing the sins of others, even if their sin is against us. That may not be the easiest thing to do, especially when you've been severely wronged, but it will bring with it a blessing. I don't know about you, but I want God to bless me and make me whole.

Be blessed and be made whole ;-) ,

Schledia

Mother

"Mother"

God stretched forth His hand,

to create someone like no other.

He molded with love,

the woman called mother.

He chiseled away,

all selfishness and greed,

and formed a large place in her heart,

prepared to meet her children's needs.

He spoke to her mind,

Words of knowledge and wisdom---

whispering the importance 

of altruism.

Kindness He fashioned,

in her smile and in her eyes.

And promised her that gentleness,

was where true beauty lies. 

He breathed in her lungs,

filling them full of courage and endurance, 

and gave her the strength needed

to always nourish and give assurance.

With a kiss on the forehead,

He passed on His love

Saturating her with compassion,

Her heart now as gentle as a dove.

Schledia Phillips                                   

When Forgiveness Isn't Easy

 Artwork by Lauren Anderson

I shared in my last blog about a dream I had. I was traveling down a dark road in that dream. It was a path I had to take, there was no stopping it, but it was scary. That has been very true of my life recently. I shared how God has brought about healing and understanding in my relationship with the passenger in my dream. I wouldn't trade that for the world! She is one of the most important people in my life, and I love her.

Today I want to share a little of what I think the darkness on that road represents. The path to our destiny is lined on both sides by darkness, those things opposing us. Jesus' path to His destiny (the cross) was lined the same way. Jesus was taken to trial and accused. We all know that He had no sin, yet He stood silent before His accusers. The initial human response to that situation would be to defend yourself against falsehoods, but Jesus is our example. He stood silent. Imagine the emotions going on in His heart. Here was a man who had done nothing but good, and yet He had people jeering at Him and spitting upon Him, calling Him all sorts of things. The truth is each and everyone of us deserve some of what is thrown our way. We've all done something worthy of punishment, even if what we are being accused of is a falsehood.

The truth is I've been having a hard time dealing with this part of my walk lately. I haven't had a difficult time staying silent. I do that quiet well. (Ha Ha to those of you laughing right now at the thought of me being silent). I'm very good at biting my tongue and hiding when I've been injured. Do I love to talk and socialize? Yes, I do, but when it comes to what I'm talking about here, I know how to stay silent. I've done it for years.  My struggle has been keeping anger out of my heart.

When Jesus hung on the cross he cried out, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." He was praying for the one who turned Him in, for those who mocked Him, for those who spit upon Him, for those who beat Him, for all of those who placed Him on the cross, and we must do the same. It's not always easy. I've struggled so much lately with feeling justified in hating those who've purposefully injured me, but my heart cries out, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." 

Jesus help me to walk in love and forgiveness. 

Be blessed and be made whole,

Schledia

From Darkness to Light

Artwork by Lauren Anderson

My last blog was on the sounds of silence, and if I'm to be honest with you, I haven't had much silence since that morning! I've been in a place of having to focus and concentrate to hear the Lord in the midst of many voices and at times pure chaos. That right there can give you a headache, and I've had quite a few lately. Allergy season has kicked in full gear, and it has brought with it a bombardment of sneezing and frequent headaches. 

It has been during this time that my concentration keeps drifting to how the Lord has brought about an understanding of some of my dreams. I'm not talking about aspirations. I'm speaking of literal dreams. We all have them, and many times our subconscious is telling us something or maybe a fear is revealing itself, but there are times when God speaks to us as we sleep and shows us things through our dreams. Last Sunday I heard an awesome message on "From Darkness to Light." Our dreams come in the darkness (night), and they are often God's way of bringing us into the Light.

I had this one particular dream back in October. I was driving down a dark road with someone in the passenger seat. I was frightened and apprehensive about the direction I was going, and the road seemed to end. I got scared as I got closer to the end of the road, but the passenger never wavered in knowing the road would not just end. Me, I feared where it would take me and how it would end! I tried to stop the car, but there was no stopping it. The road was taken.

I had been in earnest prayer about a decision that would change the direction of my life. Because the passenger had been down a similar path as the one I was on, I combined my feelings of fear of the unknown destination and the choices I knew the passenger to have made in their own life, and I started looking at the dream logically through my human understanding and eyes. I shared it with a friend who did the same thing, so I backed off from making the choice to change my path, but that did not last. 

Through prayer I kept coming back to what I knew I needed to do. No one around me understood why I had to change the road my life was traveling. I was told it wasn't God's will for me to go down the road I was taking. I was criticized and made out to be many things, but I knew. That dream was brought up to me by the friend I shared it with as a rebuttal that I was making the wrong choice. I was even told that God had shown the meanings of my dreams to this person, all pointing to the fact I was making a huge mistake in the choice I made, and I was even told that I would have to live with the consequences of it.

Recently, I sat in the house of the passenger from my dream and had a conversation with her and a young man dear to my heart. He made a comment directed at me concerning my path change. It felt like a jab. In my defense the passenger spoke up and made a comment, and it was at that moment it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew at that point what my dream had been telling me back six months prior. The fear and apprehension I felt in my dream was not God warning me that path was wrong. The fear and apprehension were natural because of the weightiness of the choice before me, and just as in the dream, there was no stopping the path change. I was meant to take the road. The person in the passenger seat was there for a reason. You see, I had held anger in my heart against that person for going down the same road. I believed her choice to be the wrong one, and I had judged her for it. I never saw her pain. I only saw what I thought logically was the right choice. The words she said in my defense were a reflection of all the pain I had been hiding from the world for years, and when she said those words, I knew she said them from her own understanding of them because she had done exactly what I had; she hid all of her pain for years. 

The young man saw the look on my face (a look of revelation mingled with the pain of my treatment of the passenger), and he asked me if I was upset with him. I wasn't; I was upset with myself. I asked for a moment as tears pooled in my eyes. I told no one what I had "seen" in that flash of a moment. But the following day I sat across from the passenger, and I cried as I told her how sorry I was for not seeing her pain. I asked for her forgiveness for judging her and the path she HAD to take. It was not ever meant for me to judge, and then God showed me that all along He was revealing to me that through my path change, He would restore me to a right relationship and a true understanding with the passenger, so yeah, that is a consequence I'm willing to live with because that passenger was someone I haven't loved the way I should for many years all because I held bitterness in my heart against her. I didn't even realize I had the bitterness there because I felt justified in judging her. The fear I had felt was natural. It was a scary change, but the consequences of my choice to go down the road I was traveling in my dream, the consequences are healing and deliverance, and I'll take those consequences any day. 

You are probably wondering what the moral to this story is, and I have to say I think it is simply to pray for understanding from God on all things He speaks to you, as well as the things He may show you through dreams. Don't just take the word of a friend because that friend may be looking through human eyes at the situation. You see, God sees the whole picture. He knows the things that have been held in secret. He knows the pain you've been through even when you've worn a mask for others to see for years. God knows, and even if the path He shows you that you are to travel seems scary and dark, the destination is always healing and deliverance if He is the one guiding you! He takes you from darkness to light.

Be blessed and be made whole,

Schledia