The Silence is Ending

 Artwork by Lauren Anderson

Words have escaped me (a writer) for some time now, a little over a year in fact. I have felt as if I've been placed by God in a time of silence as a test. It's not easy to surrender to a test of silence, especially when the silence means you can't defend yourself. It hurt. It was painful. At times I questioned God why I had to allow others to be able to say what they were saying and sit silently on the sidelines. My flesh wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at the passers by as they shot their flaming arrows through the sky. Some of those people looked me straight in the eyes as they shot their arrows while others pulled back their bow and released their arrows into the darkness surrounding them, but God kept reminding me that He would be my shield. 

God gave me a song many years ago titled, "I Will Be Your Shield." The Chorus of the song goes: "I will be your shield from the fiery arrows. No matter where you are, I'm never very far, and I will be your shield from the fiery arrows. The enemy may come, but he can't get past My Son, and He will be your shield." 

It doesn't matter where we are in our walk with God, He will be our shield. Yes, the enemy will come to shoot those fiery arrows, but he cannot get past Jesus if we hold up the shield of Faith and allow Jesus to be our shield. God was preparing me all those years ago to cling to Him when the battle full of fiery arrows would be unleashed upon me.

Recently words began coming to me, words I've longed to say over the past year but haven't been allowed to speak. I have felt as if the time of silence is nearing its end. I realized this when I recognized why the words were coming to me. I have a testimony. I have been through things that other women are going through, and my experiences may help them. It's time for the silence to end. It's time for me to speak, and I want to start with the silence.

I was strongly led by God to remain silent during my divorce, and that is what I did. It's actually the opposite of what most people do, and it's definitely the opposite of what my ex did. I had a very small handful of people I knew I could trust, and they were the only ones to hear my words. I lost friendships due to my silence, even when they arranged meetings and tried to pry words from me to "expose my guilt" while ignoring and excusing all the years of pain I had endured. My silence seemed to confirm my "guilt" to many. I even read a post from a church member that said in so many words, Your silence shows your guilt. But God kept telling me that my silence would do just the opposite.

It took me a long time to see what God was teaching me through it all, but in the end what I finally realized through my silence (as all the rumors and lies being spread about me kept coming back to me) was that this world thrives on inflicting pain, and Satan uses Christians just as much as he uses non-Christians. The sad thing is...most of those Christians feel justified when they snub you out in public because you left a person they think is wonderful, yet never once do they ask you "Why?" All they know is the lie they were told by the one who was left. 

You see, as Christians,God wants us to be like Him. Jesus stayed silent when He was accused, and that is to be our example. He cried out from the cross, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." I've had to first realize that even the Christians joining in on the attack against me "know not what they do," and I've had to forgive them. I've also had to look at my life and my walk and examine myself. I never want to be found guilty of doing what was done to me, and honestly, I can see in my past where I have been guilty, so I have found myself on my knees asking for forgiveness for standing in judgment of others. God never intends for us as believers to inflict pain upon other Christians. First and foremost He doesn't want that because He prayed we would be one in unity, and secondly, He doesn't intend that because the world knows we are of God by how we treat (love) one another.

Have you been guilty of listening to gossip and rumors within the church walls? Outside of the church? Maybe you've listened to rumors and lies under the guise of "pray for so and so." Have you in turn judged another believer by what you've been told? If you examine yourself and find yourself guilty, all it takes is going to God and asking Him to forgive you. If you can go to the person you've mistreated, do so. It will mean the world to them. Be the healing balm that God uses rather than the fiery darts the enemy shoots to inflict harm.

Be blessed and be made whole,

Pinky